Wednesday, August 31, 2005

THIS JUST IN ...

Energy alley, a series of oil drilling platforms just off the Gulf coast, has become inundated, meaning that several, if not most of the platforms used for drilling, sequestering and initial capture of crude have been completely LOST due to Hurricane Katrina.

What does this mean, America? First, it means that the sudden and sharp spike in gasoline prices might actually be warranted. Second, it means that soon there will be a domestic shortage in oil. Third, it means that the Bush Administration is justified in dipping into our Strategic Petroleum Reserves. And lastly, we're screwed.

Why, you ask? Because we're oil-oholics.

I'll tell you this, too: I haven't put gas in my car in over a month. That's right. Rhonda hasn't been to the fueling station in more than 4 weeks.

Why? PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!! I can't stress this enough. I mean, I don't really like snobby Europeans, but man, they have that down pat. Public transportation will lessen domestic reliance on petroleum and increase the tax base of government as long as the operation of the public transport remains in the hands of the public. Fares will go directly into the budget of public trasport. Taxes will from citizens will only be used to fund infrastructure and initial construction of lines and avenues to further develop public transportation.

No offense, motorists, but you're killing us all. Please abandon your portable self-containment for a more earth-conscious way of mobility. I also advocate two-wheeled transportation, SMARTcars and cyclists.

Get out of your freakin' SUVs and get into a train or bus, for crissakes!

It's just a phone call...

Also, the jazzy sounds wafting from the office like the simmering scent of soul-food in the kitchen reminds me of how much fun I have while I'm at home.

A rabbit named 'Cuervo'

The only refrain from what has been a grossly depressing day was going to the greasy spoon around the corner and having lunch. The most comforting thing was talking to Dave on the phone, hearing him tell me that a vacation will remedy my woebegone routine-shaped depression.

I don't know how many cups of coffee I've had today.

I don't know why she always seems so condescending when she addresses me.

And ... I'm cubed ...

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

On the agenda

Wondering what I'll be up to this week? Here's your answer:

Tonight: White Sox vs. Rangers, doubleheader, Ameriquest field

Tommorow: Trivia at Ben's (FYI: our team won last week, but Dave and Tim had better come up with a more politically incorrect team name than 'Turtles')

Thursday: Movies, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Dinner (con Dave)

Friday: Friends and such

Saturday: Caffery, Harold, Dave and a shakedown

Sunday: Recover...

From flashy, to dull to very dim.

I was excited about all of this. I told myself that this was what I wanted. However, now I see myself as lost in a monotonous machine, respected only as a cog; a means to an end for something I lost.

I look forward to the baseball games with much more than enthusiasm, but instead I see them as a personal underground railroad for my escape from a redundant weekday.

I was excited. Now I feel like I'm wearing jeans and I'm wading through chest-deep waters. It's hard to move and it's hard to breathe.

Why?

It's because I look forward to seeing him... I think.

*** I know I need to post pictures quite badly. And I need to stop posting song lyrics. That's annoying. I need to post something that will interest me, but I'm having a hard time finding out what that is...

Wait. Why the hell am I letting myself be so friggin' melancholy? I mean, it's one thing to be down in the dumps for a reason and it's quite another to be sad because you can't figure out the reason. Maybe there is no reason. Maybe I'm just in a funk.

I talked to Caffery yesterday and we're all going to go out sometime this weekend. By 'all' I mean me, her, Dave and Harold... probably along with several of Dave's friends...

I wonder what Dave will say about our whispers...

Friday, August 26, 2005

I was staring at the sky...

... looking for a star,
to pray on or wish on,
or something like that.

I was having a sweet fix,
on a day-dream of a boy,
whose reality I knew,
was as hopless that could be had.

And then the dove of hope,
began its downward slope,
and I believed for a moment that,
the chances were,
approaching to be glad.

And then as it came down here,
so did a weary tear.
I thought it was a bird,
but it was just a paper bag.

Hunger hurts,
but I want him,
so bad I would kill,
but I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up.

I gotta fold,
'cause these hands are too
shaky to hold.

Hunger hurts,
but starving works,
when it costs...
... too much to love.

I went crazy again today,
looking for a strand to climb,
looking for,
a little hope.

Baby said he couldn't stay,
wouldn't put his lips to mine,
a fail to kiss is a fail to cope.

I said, "Honey I don't feel so good,
don't feel justified.
Come on put a little love here in my void."

He said, "It's all in your head."
I said, "So is everything,"
but he didn't get it.

I thought he was a man
but he was just a little boy.

Hunger hurts,
and I want him,
so bad I would kill,
but I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up.

I gotta fold
'cause these hands are too
shaky to hold.

Hunger hurts,
but starving works,
when it costs...
... too much to love.

--Fiona Apple

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Stay in my head...

They aren't voices or visions, and they definately aren't bothersome. All I know is that when we embrace I never want to let go. I know that when you put your arms around me, there's something there. Better yet, there's something right there. It's like nothing I've experienced before. I wanted you to know that, but I don't know how to tell you; or I don't know how to word it eloquently enough so that it graces your mind like one of your treasured short stories or the first time you ever read a Homeric tragedy.

You may not do everything for me, and I would never expect you to. I appreciate those things that you do for me and I am not wanton for those you do not.

It's easy, to be this way with you.

The game was great. I'll be your (and the Rangers') good-luck charm any day of the week. But when the 'Stros or the Braves are on, you know what side of the fence I stand.

"Years from now when we vacation in a foreign country..."

Let's do Seattle first. The Mariners playing was more than just a sign.

I'll look into a vacation.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

What I, too, wish Bush would say...

What I wish Bush would say
By Rod Dreher
www.dallasnews.com/opinion/blog/


Reader JK has asked me to compose a paragraph for the president, one that I could salute. OK, something like this:

We have been humbled by what we have learned in the past three years. We discovered that democracy is not a panacea for the pathologies keeping the Muslim world down. We've learned that liberal democracy -- that is, democracy that respects minority rights, free speech and the rule of law -- cannot be imposed on a society, but must grow out of a culture that prizes these values. America will henceforth do whatever it can to encourage the spread of liberal democratic values, but we no longer believe that it is America's responsibility to make the world democratic, because bitter experience has shown that this is not only impossible, but could actually result in regimes that are more hostile to America's interests than the despotisms they replace.

[Having to utter this paragraph would mean repudiating his Second Inaugural, so Bush couldn't conceivably do it. But I would not vote for a future president who endorsed this crusading utopianism.]

Furthermore, my fellow Americans, I believe it is time for the rest of us to share more directly in the sacrifice we are asking our soldiers and their families to make. I am going to ask Congress to repeal my tax cuts, and to direct the savings directly to the war effort. And I will soon be launching a series of initiatives that will lead the way in saving energy, in providing support for military families, and in doing a host of things to more directly involve all citizens in this war effort. We need your ideas. I ought to have done this immediately after 9/11, but a good idea delayed is better than a good idea ignored.

Finally, I will level with you: this war has not gone nearly as well as I thought it would. We did not plan well for it, and our repeated optimism has not been borne out by events. I'm not going to pretend that things look good in Iraq, and allow false optimism to be our guide henceforth. I will tell you, though, that as difficult as the present situation in Iraq is, it would be unspeakably nastier and more dangerous if we were to withdraw our forces at the present time. Civil war would be a virtual certainty, and it would be all but impossible to keep other nations in the region from invading. This would put the world's oil supply at grave risk, and with it the economies of every single nation. So we have to ask our soldiers, and our people, for more sacrifices. We will go forward guided by realism, not false idealism. These are the hard lessons of the past three years, and as hard as it is for me to admit that I was wrong about some important things, it is vital that I have your trust ...

... or something like that.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Attn: Kind Aggie we met on the street...

I would just like to thank you, even though I'm having trouble remembering your name. How unlikely that we were just standing outside Nasher Sculpture Center when you walked up, told us that we should really see the sculptures from the interior, and volunteered your membership to us. How kind, and how very Aggie, of you.

Sincerely,
Jo and Dave

It's incredible that this happened the day after Dave and I were riding back from the Highland Village Balloon Festival (which sported only one balloon in the air, due to concerns of wind and the proximity to water), when we exited 635 to be confronted with two cars of Hispanic men, one of which decided to pull alongside us. A passenger got out of a gray Taurus with a glass full of brew and dumped it in the driver's seat of a low-riding Chevy S-10 in front of us. The man then proceeded to punch and pull on the driver of the black S-10 until the light turned green and the truck pulled away. The driver of the mini-truck then tossed a mallet out of his window, I'm guessing in an attempt to thwart the driver of the Taurus from following them any further.

In any case, Nasher Sculpture Center was amazing, and I'll post pics of some of the sculptures we saw, maybe even a Picasso or two. The exhibit at the Dallas Museum of Art by Gordon Parks was INCREDIBLE. I'm glad that I was talked into it. From there we wandered the museum to check out all of the historic art installments along with some really great pieces by native Texans. All in all, the DMA is a great place to spend a few weekend hours.

So, it's back to work on Monday, and already I'm waiting for the weekend.

What's to look forward to, you ask?
-- Rangers game tomorrow
-- Trivia on Wednesday

I'll keep you "posted," darlin'.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Rattle me bones...



That's my new staff photo. The photographer said that it'll be hanging out downstairs so everyone can check me out. Ummm... I don't know what that means, like it's a personal ad saying "Hey, here's our newest female employees, for a good time call..."

Just kidding. I know that's not the case!

Dez: I AM SO FREAKIN' SORRY FOR BAILING ON YOU LAST NIGHT!!! For obvious reasons, we had to get out of there. Dave got a little tipsy a little too quick, but that man has sworn up and down that drinking like that is something he can, and will, go without. So, he'll be going without, or he'll be GOING WITHOUT!!! :)

So, that's that. It was nice to meet Tim, and I think that last drink really did me in. But, all in all, Lone Star never lets me down!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Drumroll, please...

If you're looking for me tonight, chances will have me found at Stan's Blue Note. Why? Because Jack is in town.

Merriment will ensue, and hopefully we can all cheerily say that the night bodes well for us.

It was astonishing, nay, a miracle...

... to have coffee and a spoon ready for my morning consumption. The paper was on the bar, ready for me to read while I put myself together in the morning.

Two bottles of wine ... I'm getting burnt-out.

Next time, there better be pancakes. :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

So, there's a stroller there...

... there was all along.

From the cheap seats...

... all you can see is the aftermath of the recent FBI investigation expansion, which resulted in subpoenas to more Dallas City Council members. Yes, it is true that all of the people that are under investigation are black, but speculation that the bureau's probe is therefore "racist" is unfounded. I personally see the fact that if you are corrupt, then the investigation will catch you, but if you aren't, then you're free and clear once the investigation finds otherwise.
----------------------------------------
"They're going to make the Los Angeles riots look like a picnic," Mr. Fantroy said. "Why is this all just black folks? Why is it when it comes to us, we're guilty the minute there are accusations?"
----------------------------------------
Racism is not something that our government takes lightly. I'm not saying that the FBI singled out only black members of the Dallas City Council, which is highly speculative in itself considering that an act of racism is so incredibly difficult to prove without an actual racist comment. In the event that they actually did (which is again, highly unlikely), there are measures and avenues that keep that kind of discrimination at bay, especially in an investigation with such a high profile as this.

So, Fantroy's subversive call to arms is unconscionable and totally without logic. The problem with such speech is that this black leader (who, to my best knowledge, was one of the first mentioned in the investigation along with Mayor Pro Tem Don Hill and D'Angelo Lee) said that this situation was going to result in riots. Why, OH GOD WHY, would a leader say that? No one else in public office has so openly talked about the possibility of rioting. The sheer fact that riots were mentioned is like an incitement to Dallas' perceived disenfranchised minority populace.

Now, Laura Miller is talking about Lee's resignation. Good idea, bad timing. Her calls are just opening the door to more speculation from minority council members that she is the driving force behind the FBI's investigation (which is silly speculation, as well, especially considering the fact that she's just the mayor, and has no jurisdiction in a federal investigation). And not only that, but her calls for resignation are fueling the flames of the already rampant racial division in the city. But, it gets worse...

Dr. Maxine Thornton-Reese, one of Millers more soft-spoken critics (and I'm using that term comparatively, especially in light of Sir Fantroy of Finger-pointing), is now under investigation, as well as fellow council member Leo Chaney and two members of the Dallas Plan Commission.

Now, I don't know what to think. I'm an IUPG (Innocent Until Proven Guilty) kind of gal, but this is starting to look really bad. Where's Schutze when you need him???

Monday, August 15, 2005

If this is your love,
I don't want any part of it...
If this is your love,
Take it away from me...
If this is your love,
How it seeps into my veins...
If this is your love,
Take it, take it, take it away... from me.

*Insert scat-jam here*

You're a herder, I'm a scatterer

He used his fork to round-up and wrangle the rice to the edge of his plate, from where he shoveled and herded, again and again. On my plate, the rice was strewn from edge to edge, freely scattered and free of form, and I chased the rice from edge to edge without considering the fill of my fork.

A paradox it seems, that he be the herder and I the scatterer of rice pilaf among salmon.

Then there was pie... and the world was whole.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

"Can you get on the internet while the music is playing?"
-Anonymous

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Thought you might enjoy having this close by...

I love getting mail in big yellow envelopes from my mother. It always means that there will be a slew of hot-pink Post-It notes slapped on each individual envelope or publication that is contained in said "big yellow envelope." I ripped open said envelope to find one Texas Monthly magazine, one Women's Golf magazine, a few other pieces of mail and a cookbook. First, a note that said "Hugs and Kisses XOXOX," caught my eye... It gave me a giggle. "So sweet of her," I thought. Then, plastered on another envelope was a Post-It proclaiming, "Love You!" My eyes began to tear.

Then, I recognized the cover of the cookbook. It was from a long time ago. I opened it, my eyes widened and then I closed it shut as if what I saw would not be there if I peeked inside again. On the cover was a Post-It saying "Thought You Might Enjoy Having This Close By."

The cookbook was from Forest Hills Green Thumb Garden Club, circa 1991. It was given to me that year by Isadora Breed, my grandmother. Scribed on the inside cover of the cookbook, which was titled Recipes to Warm the Heart (how apropos!), was a note from my grandmother saying,"To Joanna, From Granny, Christmas 1991."

The slant of her writing brought back so many memories of the day that she died. The notes with her script were all over the house, and every time I saw and read one I began to cry. I miss her, incredibly so.

My mother was right. I do enjoy having it close by.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

What a rough ride...

Losing 10 to one? Nah, it didn't matter. What was really superb was just getting out to the ball park and watching a game. I haven't done that in a while, and let me tell you... it was worth the trip up SH 121 to Frisco (even though that highway is one of the worst I've ever been on).

I missed baseball. It was one thing that my dad and I really enjoyed watching together. No matter how hot-headed we would both get, Dad could flip on ESPN and we could watch the game. When the 'stros came on, we knew that we could just give up the debate and we would both be okay. Baseball is a great distraction, or better yet, a diplomatic response to whatever issue dirties the air.

At the train station: I saw this young black woman with two young girls. Her daughters were absolutely beautiful and innocent. She cared for them well, and I could tell that they were the most important things in her life. She laughed with them as we all waited for the train.

"Your daughters are absolutely beautiful," I said to her.
"Thanks! They make their mother proud," she replied.

I had almost lost faith in the ability for some parents to be loving and responsible. She has restored whatever hope I had lost. There are good people in this town, and now I'm finding that they are much easier to recognize than I had once thought.

Dave and I talked about past relationships, about heartbreak and the people in our lives that have caused it. Our conversations have meaning in them, and he's showing me that there's a lot that I take for granted every day.

Open my eyes, but leave them closed long enough to fall fast asleep.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Take me out...

... to the ball game. Take me out to the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and crackerjack. I don't care if I ever get back. So let's root, root, root for the home team. If they don't win it's a shame, 'cuz it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game!

-For Dave.

Monday, August 08, 2005

At a loss...

There's this sinking feeling that I just can't shake. There's something going on. Something I can't control. Something that will make me roll over. Something unsettling. Although I can sense all of these things, I cannot bring myself to understand what the root of all of this is.

A part of me already knows and doesn't want to acknowledge it. That would be much too easy, and obviously, denial and I get along well together.

Proving myself was hard, but I guess starting over again to overcome something that should not have even occured will be much more difficult. I know that I have what it takes to be and do what I want, which is so much bigger than anything else I could have possibly imagined. I'm losing ground in the battle for opportunity.

Maybe I should take a shot at it. Maybe I should suck it up. Maybe I should just forget about it and keep on keepin' on. Maybe I'm imagining things.

To the back of the bus

All it took was a little grit, patience and a few naps to make it from Dallas to Houston via Greyhound. After arriving in my hometown and being hugged and greeted by my family, I already knew I was going to miss them.

But, back to the bus trip. Despite all of my efforts to remain somewhat solitary, my isolation was disrupted several times by some of the more friendly, if not harrowingly candid, public at large. One man, who sat near by, talked about the inequity that blacks face in Dallas, how to solve the homeless population and why he would never vote for a Democrat, "Not even if it was my brother. You just can't trust 'em."

I didn't expect to hear so much talk about social issues on a bus ride.

As we made our way north, and I journeyed back home to "the big D," we made several brief stops. I knew from the southbound trip that we would pit in Huntsville. My mother cautioned me that there is a possibility that a freshly released ex-convict could board. And behold, a sandy-haired young man, unshaven with a nervous twitch, climbed the narrow steps onto the bus and sat directly behind the driver. Just a few feet away, I watched as he nervously bobbed his head, looking in all directions as if he was waiting for something to jump out of the darkness. So uncomfortable and scared, he resembled a caged animal with no conception of trust. He surveyed his environment in search of something to hold his attention, a victim of his own device.

Back in town that evening, I departed from the bus station in downtown making headway to the West End train station, from which I would journey back home. Home, a place I sorely missed.

Everywhere I went I was engulfed by humanity. All facets of the spectrum, I interacted with each equally, paying no mind to what it showed on its face. This weekend, although fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants unplanned, was worth it. I hope to have a series of experiences like this. Experiences that nudge me outside of my comfort zone. Experiences that take me out of this world but lead me back home.

"Seeing and helping those who need a hand really helps you appreciate life."
"Maybe it helps you appreciate your life?"
"No. It's the fact that we are all human, and when you help another, you are lifting much more than just yourself, your ego. It's about actually being a better person. It's about making others feel good because you can, and you should."

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Desiree made an interesting point last night. It really made me think about a lot of the people that I lived with in college. The question I've been asking myself is simple, but has no simple answer:

The people that are with you today may not be tomorrow, but does that mean that they are any less of a friend/acquaintance now because you may know that they lack permanence?

If I meet someone today, should I treat them as if they will be a friend for the rest of my life? Should I assume that this is possible?

I have so many things on my mind right now. It's like being so overcome with emotion and thought that you feel as if your physical body can't take it. The conversation last night with Desiree solidified a lot of conceptions I had about who I am post-college. So much more than just another kid with a degree, right? She seems to have a path somewhat parallel to the line I'm walking right now, but that illusion can come from 5 Lone Stars, a bull blaster and a proposition from some weirdo named Patrick.

Stan's Blue Note is better with a good friend.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Juiced, blasted, drunk and dazed...

So much has happened this weekend and week-beginning. From Raffy failing the MLB's steroid screening to the less celebrity weekend I had, all I can say is this: Thank God for sunflowers.

Saturday I decided to get out on my own for the first time since I moved here. I decided to head out to Muddy Waters to see what was shakin'. Good idea, I think, because not only were there two nifty bands with really cool sounds but there was a slew, a virtual cache of Aggies; so many that I couldn't avoid making a few friends. Yay for me.

Several Lone Stars later, I was having a fantastic time, nay, a blast. I must be fun to party with, because when I go out, I always have a good time (and the people around me have a monumental outing as well, I can assume).

Sunflowers... I'll have to take pictures of them because they are simply gorgeous. Was I expecting that? Hell no! They give me a giddy grin when I come home and see them. Silly and lopsided with faces that beg you to smile, sunflowers cause an epidemic of joy.

It was nice to just hang out last night. I'm in love with internet radio. Really. I LOVE IT. I want to rear its babies and shop at Gymboree with it. I think its mutual, though.

Oh, and if you were wondering: Yes, I am a masterful cook.

Oh, and Rod, I told you so... Kirin Ichiban is the best. Try it with Tapas or Sushi next time. You won't be sorry.