Thursday, January 28, 2010

A perfect explanation, and discovering a part of yourself that you may have forgotten.

I think it's hilarious that I have like, six posts that I haven't finished. I'm not big on quitting, per se, but I'm totally OK with hitting the pause button. Which brings me to my big issue:

I haven't knitting anything for about two weeks.

This could be a pretty good respite. I mean, It is still January, and I am still reeling from Christmas knitting. I like to knit, and I'd like to still enjoy knitting for years to come instead of getting burned out. Then again, I also like movies, music, and the Internet. I like reading, talking, and drinking coffee. I like hanging out, sleeping in, and goofing around.

So, I'm cutting myself some slack.

Which is good, because I think that everyone deserves some credit. Some slack. We all have shortcomings, and no one likes to constantly hear about how they don't measure up all the way.

I'm used to not measuring up, too. Being deaf makes a lot of usually simple things very difficult. That's why I like knitting. It's simple in and out, and it doesn't involve hearing.

Which brings me to my second point:

I'm considering cochlear implant surgery.

I had an appointment with my ear specialist yesterday, and the picture he painted was pretty bleak: My hearing is getting worse, and after the steroid therapy, my tinnitus is much more advanced. The constant ringing in my ears has made it impossible for me to get restful sleep and to understand conversational volumes.

It's kind of debilitating.

And what makes things even weirder, is that for the longest time I was told that my kind of degenerative hearing loss made me an unlikely candidate for the implant surgery, which kind of resigned me to the fate of going deaf over a long, drawn-out period. It's depressing.

But now, there might be hope, which is great. But it's also terrifying. I've never had so much as stitches before. THIS IS SOMEONE IMPLANTING SOMETHING INTO MY HEAD.

That's fucking scary, people.

But, it's hope for improvement, which is something I didn't have before. That's pretty awesome in itself.

Look, there I go cutting myself some slack again. You should try it, too.


The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Bionic Jo!

I understand being scared. I have a mess of pins and screws in me. I was scared too. But, it's just one of those things you do. I'm really happy for you that you have an opportunity that you thought you wouldn't. Best.

Miss Dallas said...

Thanks! I'm nervous/scared/excited. It's just great that it's actually a possibility, considering that I've been deaf in my right ear for so long.

Anonymous said...

I guess I had no idea that you were partially deaf - I'm losing my hearing in my left ear, and I think that is the saddest thing I've ever had to deal with. I used to always tell people i would rather be blind than deaf bc music is such a part of my life. I say you should really consider it, it is crazy and weird to think about what they are doing to you, but also incredible that they could help! Take a deep breath and way all the options, talk to someone that has had a cochlear too! Do you know steph anne at luxechandelier??

Lemon Gloria said...

That is both scary and awesome. And you would be bionic, which is incredibly cool.