Those who are close to me or work with me know that I've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately. It sounds so self-centered to make this about me, when it's been about all sorts of people in my life dealing with crazy circumstances, and me feeling powerless to do anything.
About three weeks ago I was really, really sick. I had a very severe cold, much like pneumonia, though not as bad. The fatigue, the headaches, the congestion and the overall dreadful malaise made me feel so weak. It made me feel like anything but myself.
When I returned to work, I found out that a friend had suffered a terrible accident, and that he faced an uphill battle in recovery. I was in shock when I heard. This is the guy that I saw in the elevator the Wednesday I tried to soldier on and come in to work, who said that I should go home and take care of myself when I told him that I was feeling awful. He and his wife are two people that care so much about others.
And after what was supposed to be a routine outpatient surgery, my mom is back in the hospital, weak and in pain, and I'm 300 miles away and powerless to help her. I feel like superman, who knows he can do anything, until he is confronted with kryptonite. Not being there for my mom, trying to go on with my life as usual, is really very hard. It's making my periphery crumble and thusly, unexpectedly, I've been bursting into tears.
I hate the fact that this all seems so selfish to me, and that it's my mother in the hospital, and it's my friend battling to recover, not me, but it has become so immensely difficult for me to just hold it together, make it through one more day, and do it all over again.