Top 5 things not to do in your cover letter when applying for a job:
5. Mention the hospital bills you have to pay after your recent sexual reassignment surgery.
4. Start every sentence with "I."
3. Talk about how you really don't need a job that bad, but you're applying anyway, as if it was a legitimate reverse psychology tactic.
2. Misspell something or confuse "your" and "you're" while purporting to be an editor.
1. Forget to include the attached resume, only to send a second e-mail saying "Oops! I forgot to attach my resume!" That's foreshadowing a crappy employee.