Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dear Tax Man:

(Ed. Note: Notice the colon. This is a formal letter.)

While completing this year's government-sponsored ass raping that is also known as filing my 1040(attached schedules, natch), I noticed that you have got it in for me. Last year, even after all of that shameful witholding, you still asked for more. This year, you did it again, and you did it up big.

I know that taxes build the bridges across our mighty nation that have been steadily eroding due to congressional malfeasance. I know that they pay for all of the little things, like research projects so that scientists can make pigs glow in the dark. But it seems, Tax Man, that you're getting pretty greedy now that I decided to, heaven forbid, buy a starter home, an affordable and reliable car and insure both of them.

So, after mailing my check for the additional amount that you want from me and my baseball-addled husband, I propose a compromise: I'll let you keep the witholding that you snatch from our payroll, but I'm going to charge you for violating my sanity with your nasty little torture device: Form 1040. And, I'm charging hourly.

Let's see how you like that.

Very truly yours,

Miss Dallas


MattJ said...

Is it wrong that i would be willing to pay more tax for a glowing piggy?

MattJ said...

oh hey, did I mention to you that I will likely be stateside next January? well...uh.. I will likely be stateside next January - Maja is getting married and so once again I go to tropical Pittsburgh in January (w00t!)

Jo said...

"tropial Pittsburgh" is the craziest oxymoron I've ever heard. You should definitely try to make an expedition of it and visit us crazies in Texas.

Jennifer Atherton said...

Nice letter. I'm always amazed that my friends think that the government pays them... I continually have to explain that while they are getting SOME of THEIR original money back, they don't get ALL of it back, and it's their money in the first place. Geesh! People need to read things like "fairtax". That book talks about ALL the taxes- talk about an eye-opener! Anyway, good to see you on ravelry. (dragontongue)