Dear Time Warner Cable,

Hey guys! This is Miss Dallas! Good to talk to you guys again. What? You don't remember me? You have a lot of customers, I'm sure, but I doubt you could forget me. I ordered RoadRunner High-Speed cable Internet from you guys not too long ago. I knew you would remember!

Well, I have a slight problem. I mean, your network is fast and all, but when it rains, well, there is no network. You see, the guys you bought your infrastructure from, you remember Comcast, right? Well, they never really upgraded it, so now when it rains, the network cable takes on water through these teensy weensy holes in its sheath, and voila, no Internet.

Now, I know this is troubling, because every time I call you guys when it rains I have to wait forever to bitch at you for not replacing the cable. I'm sure you missed my rants because it hasn't rained in some time, but we've been deluged here as of late, and well, all this rain with no internet makes Miss Dallas a very cranky girl.

I hope this isn't too much to ask, but I'm paying for Internet access whenever I need it, and that could be at any time during the day, perhaps even all day, maybe even when it rains. To not have that service means I'm not getting what I'm paying for, and that means that you're not doing your job.

There are two ways this can go. I can continue to hound you guys when it rains and you can upgrade your infrastructure, or you can just go fuck yourself and I can take my high-speed internet needs elsewhere like many of your other customers have done once they get sick of your outages when we get even the slighest precipitation.

All the best,

Miss Dallas